Beach blanket bingo

It’s been quiet here at The Mommy Diaries because we’ve been on vacation. Actually, we are still technically on vacation, but right now at least we’re home. For the past couple of days we were at my sister’s house in Delaware, and a stone’s throw from Rehoboth beach. My sister invited us over for some fun in the sun and I’m so glad we made it.

We don’t get down there too often because it’s about a three hour car ride and any one who’s been reading this blog for a while knows that Sophia isn’t exactly a joy to travel with. For this trip, we brought in reinforcements. My brother came with us and helped keep Sophia busy. Apparently she and my little brother share the same taste in music because she spent most of the ride listening to his iPod with him. She told him that she loves Radiohead.

Yeah, we went to the beach, we swam in the pool and Sophia had a great time playing with her 2-year-old cousin, but the best part of the whole trip was hanging out with my brother and sister. It’s been a long time since the three of us just hung out and it was a lot of fun. The way you talk with friends is so different from the way you talk with family. I don’t know if it’s because you have so much history with each other or what, but it was great. There’s no real drama happening in any of our lives right now and we’re all pretty happy, so just sitting around and having a couple of drinks was the perfect way to spend some time away.










Update on Ryan: OK, so on Tuesday, right after we arrived in Delaware, the rash all over Ryan’s belly spread all over his body. The poor little guy looked awful. The roseola rash doesn’t look like chicken pox or hives; it’s more like giant red patches all over his skin. It was awful and we were getting worried about him. I know this might seem anti-productive, but we took him off the antibiotic for his ear infection for 24 hours. We did it because it’s penicillin-based and I’m allergic to it, so our thinking was that because the rash was getting worse maybe he was allergic to the medicine. Also, one of the side effects of the medicine is diarrhea, and he was indeed suffering the side effects. Frankly, I didn’t think he needed to deal with diarrhea at the same time.

Tuesday night, Ryan woke up screaming. He was, of all things, constipated. In the morning, the rash was practically gone. By the end of the day Wednesday, Ryan was 100% better. He was eating, laughing and playing, and far less clingy than he had been. This morning he woke up smiling for the first time in a week. We gave him a dose of the antibiotic this morning and we’re watching to see if the rash now comes back. Hopefully, it won’t.

I hate it when the kids get sick.

... and the party was a success

It has been a really crazy couple of days that culminated yesterday with Ryan's christening and Sophia's birthday party. The christening was nice, and apparently very relaxing because Ryan actually fell asleep while the priest was pouring water over his head. Never in my life have I heard of a baby falling asleep in the middle of the baptism. Literally in the middle of the act of baptism.

Here are some fun pictures from the big family bash.

Yup, that's me and Jon with our sweet and innocent baby boy dressed in his whitest. Doesn't he look sweet?



Oh, but wait. What is that? Under his whitest of white baptism suit, my darling little guy shows his true colors. Yes, he wore the Misfits onesie under his baptism suite and my mother was so worried the priest would see it. I think we got away unnoticed.




Ryan wasn't the only star of the day. Sophia sported her party hat and got down like a real party animal. It was, after all, her birthday bash, too.

Not only is Sophia a party animal, she is way cool in snazzy sunglasses, goofing around with her oldest cousin.

It was a very hot day, so after lunch and cake, all the kids went to the backyard and played with the garden hose. Everyone's clothes were soaking wet, but they had a great time, and at the end of the day, that's what really matters.

Overcoming the odds to bring families together

There was a time in the not so distant past that I didn't like her very much. Society would say I shouldn't like her very much and that our current relationship is extremely unnatural.

Some people would even say our entire family dynamic is completely crazy. I would say that without her, things wouldn't be the way they are today.

Who is she? She is the mother of my stepson and my husband's ex-wife. Her name is Bernadette.

When Jon and I first started dating, there was a power struggle between the two of us, as is common, I imagine, between ex-wife and new girlfriend … especially when there is a child involved. We didn't really talk and when we did it was a terribly tense situation.

However, what I learned from Bernadette is that the bond of family is way more important than any real or imagined power struggle. This is a lesson that many divorced families never learn or simply cannot learn.

It didn't happen overnight. It didn't go from us not liking each other one day to best buddies the next. It was a slow process. We didn't have any talk about it. I didn’t plan things to work out the way they did, they happened because Bernadette would not have it any other way. We were all a family whether we like it or not. She did it for her son and I am so lucky to have her as my husband's ex-wife. I couldn't imagine having to live a life full of anger and resentment between me and the mother of my stepson.

Study upon study will say that divorce is terrible on children. They feel guilt and they feel torn between their parents. Bernadette knew that it was not in her son's best interest for us to ooze hatred, so she made the extra effort to bring our families together.

It takes a lot of courage and determination to put your own feelings aside for the sake of your child. She did it without even batting an eyelash; or at least seemingly so. Because of her, Jonathan doesn't have a regular split family. Jon and Bernadette talk regularly about parenting strategies and his development (he'll be 15 in a few short months!). We get together as a family often. My daughter plays with her daughter all the time. We even have sleepover parties for the girls.

The dynamic of our family is so unusual to so many people that we are often asked how we do it. I've had co-workers ask me about it. Friends of Bernadette have asked her about it. Some of them don't even know how to talk to me when we all hang out together. Even my mom has told me she doesn't really understand our relationship. I think in time, everyone will get comfortable with our situation because it's just the way it is going to be. I think it's sad that more families can't do this, but I understand why.

It takes a strong mom to do what she did and I'm proud to include Bernadette in my family. Yes, it is unusual, but it works for our family. I think Jonathan is a better person for her efforts.

Happy Mother's Day, Bern.

Family fun

I wasn't sure I'd have a good time at the Bon Jovi concert last night, but I did and I'm not ashamed to admit it.

My mom and sister are huge Bon Jovi fans. I liked him when I was 10 or 12, but honestly, if the song isn't on the "Slippery When Wet" album, I don't know it.

For the past several years, when Bon Jovi goes on tour and stops in Philadelphia, my mom and sister go to see him. This year they invited me and I wasn't about to pass up the opportunity to hang out with my mom and sister in the most unusual setting I could imagine the two of them being in together as adults.

Formal American Idol cast off Chris Daughtry opened the show and he was entertaining, but not jump-out-of-your seat fun. I was afraid this had set the mood for the evening.

I wanted to have a good time and during Chris Daughtry's performance I realized that just because I am not a huge Bon Jovi fan didn't mean I couldn't have a good time at a Bon Jovi concert. It didn't matter that I thought the idea of going to a Bon Jovi concert was a little cheesy, I was surrounded by people who really liked him and didn't know me and wouldn't laugh at me for dancing and singing because they were all doing the same thing.

When Bon Jovi got on stage, everyone jumped out of their seats and started yelling, singing and dancing, including me, my mom and my sister. And for the rest of the night I had a really great time. The concert was filled with Bon Jovi standards that I remembered from my 12-year-old big hair days so I was able to sing along with the best of Bon Jovi fans. Of course, they played newer songs that I didn't know, but it didn't matter.

The show was fun, but the best part of the whole night was that I got to hang out with my sister and mom in a way that under normal circumstances would never happen. I hope that when my own children are grown I will be able to do this kind of thing with them and we have as much fun as we did last night.

When you're younger, you take your family for granted. If I was a teenager I would have been totally embarrassed about being at a concert with my family. But when you get older and have children of your own, you realize how special your family really is. It's more important to me now that I have a strong relationship with my family so that my own children can experience that sense of love and security among people who love them. And that includes being able to act like a crazy Bon Jovi fan, even if it was just for one night.

The concert may not have turned me into a Bon Jovi fan, but I hope he comes back to Philly next year because next year we want to get floor seats.