We have to take our clothes off ... to have a good time

Over and over I have read how important it is for parents to work and act as a team, but what happens when the kids don't respond to the team method?

That's the conundrum we're having now at home. When it's just one of us with both the kids, they are much more behaved than when we are both with them.
Explain that one.

Breakfast is a disaster every morning because Mom and Dad try to eat with the kids. After work, the kids will sit quietly and eat if it's just me giving them dinner. At bedtime, Sophia will only stay in bed if she thinks I'm at work.

It's madness.

Oh, and to top it off, we've hit the naked phase.

So many bloggers have mentioned how their kids hit this stage where they want to be naked, and I never believed them. I thought, how is it that the kids will simply take off their clothes for no reason. Well, once again, I am astounded by my kids.

Every day it's the same routine. I bring Sophia and Ryan home from school, go in the kitchen and start dinner while the kids play in the living room. Without fail, every day this week Sophia is naked within 5 minutes of walking in the door. Thank goodness she at least keeps her diaper on since she is still refusing to use the potty.

If she wants to be naked, fine, go to it, but I'd like it if she at least waited until after dinner. That's my only request, that she keep her clothes on during dinner.

Is that too much to ask?

Apparently so.

Parenting pop quiz

Parenting is just one test after another. It really isn't fair. Once you feel like you finally figured it all out, something happens and you realize you know nothing.

This week's test? How to get a 2-year-old to stop hanging out with the wrong crowd.

It sounds a lot funnier than it is.

It seems that at the tender age of 2, Sophia has fallen in with the wrong crowd at school. She’s picked an extremely strong-willed counterpart to spend her days with at daycare. This little girl and Sophia are trouble together. Sophia has started pushing the other kids, ripping apart books and hiding the pieces and talking back to the teachers. In a matter of one week, Sophia has gone from a bright shining bundle of joy to a screaming bundle of something that is definitely not joy.

Yikes. I guess the terrible 2's have hit full force.

So, we are starting behavior modification training. Yes, that’s right, on a 2-year-old. I don’t know what else to do. She’s hitting, screaming and now getting in trouble at school, I have to do something because, you know, doing something is better than doing nothing.

We have a chart that looks a little like this …

Once it’s properly filled out, it will have a list of goals for her to do each day. They way it’s supposed to work is for every goal she completes, she gets a token and at the end of the day she can use the tokens to purchase a reward from a “treasure box.” At the end of the week, if she does so much, she will get a reward. Being that she’s 2, we had to modified the program a little to make it (hopefully) easier for her to understand. Her not having a real concept of time kind of makes this a little unfair, so our modifications started with making it a daily reward system and removing the token-purchasing power.

Sophia’s goals include staying in her own bed all night, eating all her breakfast, keeping her shoes and socks on in the car (don’t ask) and getting fishes (rewards for good behavior) at daycare. She will put a sticker next to each goal she accomplished every day. At the end of the day, if she has more stickers than not (we have yet to determine the exact number needed), she will get a special treat from her own “treasure box.”

In keeping with the spirit of fairness, Ryan will have his own chart so he can feel like he’s part of the process. Of course, his goals will be tailored to what he can actually do at 15 months. By including him, we’re also hoping to encourage a little competition in Sophia so she wants to do meet her goals every day.

Honestly, I have no idea if it will work or not, but it’s worth a shot, right?

I hope so.

What a way to end the day

Every night we go through the same routine. It’s a terrible routine and I wish we could stop it, but we just don’t know how. It starts out when we put dinner on the table, that’s when Sophia starts. Pretty much right after she gets in her booster seat, she starts yelling. “Done. Done,” she says as she’s standing up on her chair. Things just escalate from there. The yelling turns to screaming, all the while, Ryan is quietly eating.

Dinner has become a two parent job, one to take care of the “Sophia situation” and the other to feed the baby. Neither Jon nor I actually get to eat anything and we don’t have any idea how to stop it because we would really like to have a nice family dinner.

We’ve tried putting her in Time Out to calm her down (she calms down until we put her back at the table). We’ve tried to let her eat whatever she wants (her dinner becomes a huge buffet of things that never make it in her mouth). We’ve tried just letting her not eat (but how long can a mother not feed her baby? Not long). We’ve tried yelling at her, negotiating with her and pleading with her. We’ve even tried taking her out of the booster seat and letting her sit in a “big girl chair.” Nothing seems to work. She just will not eat at the table. That is until after dinner when, in a desperate attempt to put some kind of food in her little belly, we give her something that she can eat in the living room.

Now this doesn’t happen every single night. We probably have one, maybe two nights a week when she will quietly sit and eat whatever’s in front of her. But those days are few and hard to come by.

I know toddlers are picky, but I’m really concerned that she almost never eats dinner (or breakfast or any meal that we try to put her at the table to eat) and that she’s throwing an almost daily temper tantrum that we, clearly, cannot control. I also know that we are, somehow, creating the situation, but I'm not sure what it is we're doing or what to do to stop creating it. I’m worried that we are creating a family doomed to be on “Supernanny.”

The greatest compliment

When my kids are screaming and crying in public, I can look around and see the faces of bystanders and know exactly what they're thinking. They don't need to say a word, I know, my kids are acting out and causing a scene. But when my kids are really well-behaved, it often means they are dropped off the radar and no one reacts to them. However, last night I was complimented on their good behavior -- twice.

As a woman, you may be complimented on a variety of things, "Nice shoes," "I love your hair," "Where did you get that bag?" all of these serve to make her feel good. But honestly, as good as I feel when I'm complimented on something like that, I swell with pride when I get a compliment about Sophia and Ryan. And nothing feels better than that.

Last night, my husband got done work early and met me at daycare to help pick up the kids and go out to dinner. It was a bold suggestion to go out at the end of the day because the odds that the kids would be tired and cranky were infinitely greater. Plus, it was high dinner time (between 5 and 6 p.m.) and usually when we go out to dinner we try to go early -- like 4 p.m. early -- because most restaurants are not busy then and if the kids are bad there are fewer diners to bother. But we really need to go food shopping and I didn't feel like scraping together leftovers for dinner so we went out anyway.

When we got to the restaurant, the hostess seated us at a table … in the center of the room. All eyes were on us as we settled into our seats. We were surrounded by couples who were expecting the worst, I could tell even the waiter was anxious about us. Right away he asked if we wanted drinks, so we ordered Sophia's meal with our drinks and asked him not to wait to bring it out with our meals. So applesauce and macaroni and cheese arrived promptly. It was fast enough that she didn't have time to get bored with coloring the kids' menu. Ryan sat in a highchair and I fed him his dinner while we waited for our meals.

Dinner went smoother than we could ever have imagined. Sophia was pleasant and didn't yell or scream to get out of the booster seat and Ryan didn't cry once. Midway through our meal, the couple sitting next to us got up to leave and the man came to our table and said we had beautiful children. "Your children are beautiful," he said. "Excuse me if I was staring, I can't believe how beautiful they are." OK, I'll admit it was a little creepy, but if they were screaming and crying, they most certainly wouldn't be beautiful. Besides, he is right, they are adorable.

An older couple was then seated at the newly empty table. As we were finishing our dinner and packing the leftovers, the gentleman looked at us and said, "Your children are so well-behaved."

You can't believe how proud -- and anxious -- I was at that very moment. With two compliments under our belt and an hour in the restaurant, I thought it was best to get out while we were ahead. The tide of good behavior can change quickly and I didn't want to risk the meltdown I was sure would happen if we stayed a minute longer.

We left without incident. After we put the kids in the car, my husband high-fived me. Yup, we rule, our kids were awesome and we couldn't have been happier.

It's playtime ... finally

Over the last couple of weeks an amazing thing has been happening in the Hoffman house, my kids have begun playing together.

It only happens once in a while and only for brief amounts of time, but it does happen and I have never been happier. For some reason, Ryan finds Sophia hysterical, and it is absolutely adorable. She will get in his face and crack him up with some kind of nonsensical noise. It is so adorable that I want to cry when I watch them.

When Ryan starts laughing, Sophia takes that as a cue to keep going and they will just look at each other and make noises and laugh for up to 5 minutes. At that point, Ryan gets a little over stimulated and I need to step in and give him a little space. I know their play time will slowly increase as Ryan gets older.

There are many days I wish I had my kids a little more than 14 months apart. When I found out I was pregnant with Ryan, I cried. It was not expected and not immediately a joyous occasion. I was terrified of having them so close.

However, during my pregnancy, I met a lot of women who had children very close in age. It turned out to be more common than I first realized. Every single woman I met told me that at first it was going to be very hard, but as they got older it would get easier. And they were all right.

I am now thrilled that my children are close in age. My daughter simply loves her little brother. She has been anxiously waiting for him to react positively to her for four long months and now that it's happening, she is even more in love. You can see it in her eyes, and slowly that same excitement is brewing in Ryan's eyes.

It is wonderful to see them want to play with each other. I can't think of anything better.

Nights and weekends

Last week I reported that Ryan had slept through the night. He slept pretty well almost every night last week, that is, until the weekend.

Friday, Saturday and Sunday night, Ryan was up at least once in the middle of the night. Friday night he woke at 11:45 p.m., Saturday night it was 1:30 a.m. and Sunday night it was 4 a.m. I don't know what we are doing different at home that makes it so hard for him to sleep at night.

Sophia is the same way with her afternoon nap. At school, she naps from 12:30 to 3 p.m. She sleeps on a mat with a blanket. They eat lunch around 11:30 a.m. and everyone lays down for naps at 12:30. According to the teachers, she is a great sleeper and often they have to wake her at the end of nap time. Over the weekend, we have lunch at 11:30 and nap at 12:30, but she will only sleep for 45 minutes. If I'm really, really lucky and she is really, really tired, she will sleep for an hour and a half, but that hardly ever happens. Oh, and I've tried to let her sleep on the floor instead of her crib at home; that didn't work AT ALL.

As far as Ryan is concerned, he takes two pretty good naps during the day and goes to bed with the same routine every day. Maybe he is sleeping too much during the day and that's why he wakes during the night? I really don't know. Maybe he just loves being home with Mommy and Daddy so much that he can't wait to wake up in the middle of the night to see us. Yeah, that's it.

I wonder if other parent's have this same problem, or if this is unique to my family?

Not ready for 2

On Sunday, Sophia turned 19 months. It may not seem like a big deal, but she is now more than half way to 2 and I am totally not ready.

She has already started to test her boundaries. Last week, I took Sophia and Ryan to our friend’s house to meet her new baby and Sophia was as good as could be expected. Of course, we had a little behavioral breakdown right before we left because she wanted to stand up on the kitchen chairs and, silly me, I didn’t think that was a safe activity for my little girl. So, a little temper tantrum occurred, but it was mild and I didn’t even really think about it until my friend and I started talking about how Sophia was “strong willed and very independent.”

I kind of laughed when I said that Sophia is so strong-willed that most times my husband and I give in well before she gives up. In fact, we try to be very consistent in our discipline, but the truth is that Sophia rules the house. The worst is when I’m correcting her and she starts laughing. I can’t help but laugh. She is so cute that I have to turn my head and make sure she doesn’t see me smile. Somehow, I’m sure my, “Sophia, this is not funny,” isn’t getting through to her.

At the suggestion of my friend, I went online and found a ton of web sites devoted to disciplining the strong-willed child. I’d like to say I will read every one of them so that I can be completely educated on the subject, but the truth is that I don’t really have time to devote to this research, especially since I don’t believe Sophia is a problem.

I think it’s good for Sophia to be strong-willed and independent and to really know what she wants and what she doesn’t want. I like that in her and I think it’s a quality that will be very useful to her as an adult. I love the fact that she is speaking in full sentences at 19 months and I attribute that to her being determined to let us know exactly what she wants. Sometimes it’s a little tough for us to figure out what she wants and she gets frustrated, but she doesn’t freak out or yell at us or get angry, she throws a little tantrum and what 2-year-old doesn’t.

So I say to Sophia, we will continue to set boundaries for you and I’m sure you will continue to test them. It’s only the beginning.