Sleeping solutions are never easy

I had no idea what I was getting into when I wrote about Ryan getting stuck under the bumper pad. I wrote about my concerns before I really did any research. I have since done some, but not really enough to consider myself an expert by any means. But the most interesting article I read was an About.com article and I think it's convinced me that Ryan doesn't really need the bumper pads.

The article says that according to one study, it's impossible for an infant to hit his head hard enough while sleeping to cause any injury or bruising and that injury is unlikely if a child gets an arm or a leg through the bars of the crib.

Now I just have to get over the fact that they are so cute. I kept Sophia's on her bed until she was at least 18 months and even then, my husband and I had a long discussion about it first. When I talked to him about taking Ryan's bumper pads off, he was really hesitant so we kept them on. Ryan was fine last night, but I'm getting much closer to taking them off after my research. Maybe tonight will be the night.

This whole bumper pad discussion stems from a picture I posted of Ryan sleeping on his tummy. Since then, I've gotten some comments from parents who have struggled with whether or not and when they should put their baby on their belly. I think there are a lot of parents out there who are ashamed or embarrassed to admit they let their babies sleep on their belly. I was one of them, I'll admit it, but after talking to the pediatrician at Ryan's last appointment, I am way more confident. Plus, Ryan is an older and mobile infant, so I think there is less stigma for me.

I believe there is a real risk of SIDS, but at almost 7 months old, I think my son is pretty safe, and with his new found mobility there is little I can do about his sleeping position aside from sitting at his bedside and control his every movement throughout the night. Since I'd like to maintain some amount of sanity in my life, I'll skip the bedside watching.

I think it's a personal decision every parent must make on their own. I am not going to change your mind or try to convince you to think the way I think. It would be a waste of time. Being a parent means you will be forced to make hard decisions about your children for the rest of your life. Sometimes they are scary and sometimes they aren't, but I don't think they ever get easy.

I just don't know

It's kind of ironic that this morning someone commented about Ryan sleeping on his belly because I had planned to write about his sleeping today. So I'm glad the subject brought up.

Ryan is all over the crib when he sleeps. When I check on him, he could be on his back, on his belly, lying vertically on one end of the crib or on his side in the other end of the crib. Sometimes I wonder if he's not up all night just crawling around. I really wouldn't be surprised.

When Ryan woke up screaming at 2:15 a.m. and I found him on his back with his head in the corner of his crib under the bumper pad, I was a little freaked out, but not terribly surprised. He, however, was stuck and he was mad.

So here's my bumper pad dilemma: When he wakes in the morning, he is usually pulling down the pad and peaking and over the top. Apparently he can now get underneath them too, so they really aren't serving any real purpose. Or are they? Since he is such a mover and shaker during the night, I'm wondering if they are helping to keep his little head safe from bumps and bruises throughout the night. Would not having them actually hurt him more?

I don't know. I think I should take them off and see what happens, but maybe I should keep them on so he doesn't have to bang his head. Would a better mother have instantly ripped them off the crib?

Does all this make me a bad mother? I've asked this question a million times in a million different situations. I feel like I'm always second-guessing myself. When I'm in the process of making a decision I am confident, but right after the judgment is made I start doubting it. Last night, I was sure it was better to keep them on, but today I'm in a panic about it.

I think many of us moms struggle with every day decisions. We just don't know how to handle every single situation and we're constantly worried that we might make the wrong decision. So we read and comment and try to digest millions and millions of facts and studies about the health, safety and best interest of our most precious possessions. We stay up late at night and search the Internet for other moms going through what we're going through and still, at the end of the day, we have to make our own decisions based on what's best for our individual families. And we have to live with the outcome of those decisions.

Frankly, it can be terrifying. How do you separate fact, exaggerated fact and complete fiction? How do you know that what your baby wants isn't exactly what your baby needs? How can you pick between the lesser of two evils when it comes to the safety of your kids? (Oh, this is how I feel about the bumper pad dilemma - it could hurt him to keep or get rid of them.)

I just don't know.

At the end of the day, I have to trust my judgment. Having kids is a learning process. It didn't get easier when I had my second child, like I thought it would, but it did make me more confident in some of the decisions I previously made. It also opened up completely new decision-making situations. Like the bumper pads.